Another aspect to having good boundaries as an end-of-life doula is simply knowing when to hold back and not to say or do anything. Recently, my good friend died. During her illness I realized early on that I would have to try really hard not to try to be her doula because I was her friend first. Looking back, I did a lot of doula things, but it was always on the fly, spontaneous and mixed in with friend things. She never asked for a sit-down doula consultation, but we did talk about end-of-life issues and decisions as part of normal conversation when she asked about my work and teaching. She quietly took it all in and then she moved on. Did I want to tell her more? Did I want to meet with the family, or at least her partner, and “be a doula?” Yes, but I did not. I held back. I waited and tried to be available to her when she needed me.